It's Just Massage
by New Warrior of Fire
Summary: Asuka is mortified by some aspects of earth culture, inasmuch as his species copulate via their feet. Things go awry when the Rangers learn this fact the hard way.
1. Chapter 1

It was a slow day in the Dino Curry Restaurant. Asuka walked aimlessly through the kitchen, devoid of anything to do. The other Rangers were nowhere to be seen, and as far as Asuka knew, he was alone for the time being. Asuka felt a pang of loneliness. He wished that Ranru or Ryouga was around so he could talk to them, even listening to Sanjou grouse about something was better than being alone.

_Come on._ Asuka told himself._ This isn't so bad. I mean, I can handle some 'me' time. _He looked around. _Yeah,_ he thought. _I have the whole place to myself._ Asuka walked over to the t.v., got the remote, sat down and propped his feet up on another nearby chair. He turned on the t.v. and flipped through the channels. He wasn't looking for anything particular to watch, just enjoying pressing the button on the remote over and over.

_This is kinda cool. _Asuka thought. He pressed the remote button again and again, faster and faster, until an image on one of the nearby channels caught his eye. He stopped and watched for a minute. It was a large cartoon bird, talking to what was apparently the t.v. audience.

"All right, boys and girls." The bird said. "Time for our anatomy lesson! Today's body part is . . . feet!"

"What?!" Asuka said out loud. He sat straight up in his chair.

The bird continued. "Let's sing the foot song!"

"No, let's NOT!" Asuka cried. But it was too late. The 'foot song' started playing, along with images of many, many feet.

Asuka was appalled, but so shocked he was somehow unable to tear his eyes from the outrageous sight.

At that very moment, Ryouga and Sanjou walked in. "Hey, Asuka!" Called Ryouga.

"Guys!" Asuka frantically turned off the t.v.

"What were you watching?" Sanjou asked suspiciously.

Asuka shook his head. "Nothing. It was just . . . nothing. Nothing important."

"C'mon, Asuka." Ryouga said cheerfully. "We're all adults. You can tell us."

"Okay." Asuka said reluctantly. He looked around in a shady manner, then turned back to them and said, in a hushed voice, "It was a . . . a _bad show._"

"Really?" Sanjou asked, sounding intrigued. Ryouga took no such subtle approach.

"Well, don't turn it off because of us! We won't be offended!" Ryouga dived for the remote, and turned the t.v. back on.

On the show, the dreaded foot song continued. Asuka, now a shade of bright red, covered his eyes in terror.

_I'll just wait until this horrible thing passes!_ Asuka thought. He waited for a few seconds, but nothing happened. Then the song stopped. Asuka took his hands off his eyes and cautiously looked over at Ryouga and Sanjou. They were staring at the blank screen, their jaws dropped. Then they slowly turned to look at Asuka.

"Asuka." Sanjou said grumpily. "That was just some stupid kid's show!"

"Yeah, Asuka, there's nothing wrong with that show. Mai watches it all the time."

Asuka's eyes widened. "You actually let her watch that?" He asked.

Ryouga gave him a perplexed look. "Well, yeah. Of course. Like we said, it's a kid's show."

"Kids here are allowed to watch that show?"

"Yes."

"That we saw just now?"

Sanjou rolled his eyes. "Yes."

Asuka's face contorted in shock and disgust. "That's totally disgusting!" He said.

"What?" Sanjou asked. He and Ryouga exchanged puzzled looks.

But before they could say anything, Ranru came into the Restaurant. She stopped in front of them.

"Hi, Guys!" She sang. "I'm going to the spa! Who wants to come?"

"Uh . . ." Ryouga and Sanjou said uncertainly.

"Come on, guys. It'll be fun!" Ranru insisted.

Ryouga and Sanjou looked at each other for a minute, then at Asuka. At the same moment they both pushed Asuka forward and said, in unison, "Asuka will do it."

"What?" Asuka said confusedly.

"Really?" Ranru asked.

"Sure. Anything to get me out of here." Asuka agreed. He let Ranru drag him out of the Restaurant by the hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Asuka and Ranru arrived at the We Pamper you Right Spa.

"Here it is!" Said Ranru. "I can't wait!"

"For what?" Asuka asked.

"Our massages!" She oozed. "Let's go!" Ranru dragged Asuka inside by the hand.

They entered through some beautiful green doors surrounded with blue glass, and into the reception area. Everything had a very peaceful aura, and Asuka quickly relaxed. After Ranru checked them in, she and Asuka went over to the changing area. Asuka took off his shoes and then headed toward the main area.

"Asuka-san," Ranru called. "Don't forget to take your socks off before you leave."

"WHAT!" Asuka almost shrieked. His sense of comfort quickly deserted him. "I can't do that, Ranru-san, it's _indecent!_ And everyone will look!"

"No, they won't," She replied, sounding a bit confused. "Everyone else takes off their socks too."

"Really?" Asuka asked. Ranru grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him in the direction of the main area. Sure enough, everyone in the spa was shoeless, _**sockless**_, and most of them were only wearing towels. "So that's okay here?"

"Of course," She said, a little more gently. "Now Asuka, the whole reason we came here was to relax, so_ relax._ I scheduled us both for a full body massage and I need to go because mine will start five minutes before yours."

"Okay Ranru," Asuka said, taking a breath. He saw Ranru start to take her socks off, so he quickly covered his eyes and went to an enclosed changing station to take his off. When he came back, Ranru was already gone.

"Hi, are you Asuka?" A female masseur asked him.

"Yes," he answered, trying not to sound too embarrassed, despite his exposed state. _Why couldn't I have at least gotten a male masseur?_ His inner self whined.

"Come this way please!" She said, sounding both energetic and comforting.

_Don't worry Asuka, you can get through this._ He thought. _She seems nice enough, and you're supposed to relax like Ranru said. At least things can't get much worse (or invasive) than this._

The masseur lead Asuka to a massage table and had him lay on his stomach.

"Okay, I'm gonna start with your neck and shoulders, and then move the tension all the way out of your body," she told him as she began.

As his massage progressed, Asuka slowly began to relax. _This isn't so bad. It actually feels kinda good, _he thought. _I guess I really did need this_.

The masseur gently massaged Asuka's shoulders and moved down his back. He began to feel somewhat wistful. The last time he'd felt so at ease was when he was with Mohoro. Asuka sighed. Nothing could replace her gentle touch.

The masseur moved down even farther and worked up and down his legs. She rubbed all the way down his calves, closer and closer to his feet.

Asuka got a little uncomfortable. _Okay, _he thought, _I'm sure she's going to stop here, any time now. Surely when she said 'full body' she didn't mean . . . _

Then Asuka felt her fingers brush his heel.

"AAAHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Asuka shrieked, jumping about six feet off the table.

She stared blankly at him. "I'm . . . rubbing your feet," she said perplexedly.

"This can't be legal!" he cried.

Now his masseur looked even more confused. "Wha- of course it's legal. It's just your feet."

Suddenly Ranru appeared. "Asuka? I heard you scream. Is everything okay?"

"I'm sorry, Ranru. I can't do this! I'm a married man!" Asuka ran away, stopping only to get his shoes and socks. He quickly put on his socks, then continued running. He didn't even put his shoes back on.

"Asuka!" Ranru called after him.


	3. Chapter 3

After returning to the base, Asuka wearily flopped onto the couch, exhausted by his traumatic experience.

_This earth is messed up,_ Asuka thought. He pulled his left foot up onto his lap and gently rubbed the dirt off of his now raw skin._ Explicit material in kid's shows, masseurs who sexually harass their customers . . . what next? _

Just then Ranru burst through the door. Asuka quickly threw his foot off his lap. "Ranru! This isn't what it looks like!"

"Asuka?" she exclaimed, walking over toward him. "Look like what? Is everything okay? You've been acting really weird lately. And what happened back there? You just ran off right in the middle of your massage."

Asuka's cheeks reddened, and he turned away in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. Ranru sat down on the couch next to him.

"Asuka, it's okay. You can tell me, whatever it is."

"It's just . . . everything is just really weird here," he admitted. "I'm not used to living like this."

"Oh," she said softly. "I see. You're not acclimated."

Asuka nodded.

"Well, don't worry, Asuka. I'll do my best to help you feel at home here. How about I give you a massage? Your feet could use it, after you ran like that." She smiled at him.

Asuka's eyes widened in horror. "What? You want to massage my _feet_?!"

"Um, yes," Ranru said quizzically.

"But, Ranru-san, I just met you!" he cried.

Ranru sighed. She could see that she was going to have to be very patient with Asuka. "Asuka," she said calmly. "On this world, it's okay for me to give you a foot massage. _As a friend_."

"Really?" he asked.

"Of course."

Asuka shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Finally, he burst out, "I can't do it! I'm sorry, Ranru-san, but I'm a married man!" With that, he took off running, in the direction of his room.

Ranru stared after him, feeling both confused and saddened by what she'd seen. _What does he mean, 'a married man'?_ She wondered. _Is he that self-conscious?_

Just then, Ryoga and Sanjyou came in. "Hey, Ranru," Ryoga said in his usual cheerful manner.

"Hey," she returned, her tone fully conveying her distance.

"Is everything okay?" Ryoga asked.

She sighed. "I'm worried about Asuka."

Sanjyou rolled his eyes. "Did he hear the garbage disposal and faint again?"

Ranru narrowed her eyes at him. Sanjyou could be _so_ unsympathetic sometimes. "No. He's been acting strangely lately, saying he's a 'married man' anytime I want to do something with him."

"Who knows?" Ryouga said. "Maybe it's just a Dragon Person thing."

"I don't know. He said he wasn't used to it here."

"Maybe he's just having a bad day," Sanjyou offered.

"Maybe," she said. "Still, I think we should be a little extra nice to Asuka. Make him feel welcome here. After all, he's so stressed out all the time. It's the least we could do."

"Okay," Ryouga said enthusiastically.

"I guess," Sanjyou said. "Whatever it is, he'll probably be back to normal by tomorrow."

"I hope so," Ranru said. She looked at the door Asuka had just slammed, and then said under her breath, "I just wish I knew what was bugging him so much."


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, the Red, Yellow and Blue rangers were relaxing in the base. Ryunosuke was out buying supplies, Ryouga was packing lunch for Mai-chan, Ranru was making a special curry for breakfast, and Sanjyou was reading the paper. Everything seemed peaceful until Asuka crept into the main area acting very uncomfortable.

"Sanjyou," Asuka said. "Can you help me with something?"

"Can it wait?" Sanjyou asked. "I'm reading the paper right now"

"I need your, um, medical expertise." Asuka stammered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Ranru shot Sanjyou a dirty look and mouthed 'Be nice!'

"Okay. What is it?" Sanjyou asked, putting the paper down.

Asuka leaned over and whispered into his ear.

"Athletes' foot?" Sanjyou said aloud, causing Asuka to cringe. "That's your big medical emergency?"

"Shhh!" Asuka whispered furiously. "Yes, I know, it's awful. Can you just help me get rid of it?"

Sanjyou looked at Asuka like he was crazy. "Okay, whatever," He said. He and Asuka went to the bathroom and Asuka shut the door.

Everything was quiet for about five minutes. Then Ryouga and Ranru heard Sanjyou scream from the bathroom, "WHAT?!"

Ryouga and Ranru exchanged worried glances. They then heard Asuka frantically trying to explain something. "Forget it!" Sanjyou yelled. "Apply your OWN damn foot cream!" He stormed back into the main area and threw himself back into his chair.

"Sanjyou?" Ranru asked cautiously. "What happened?"

"You wanna know what happened?! I'll damn well TELL YOU what happened!" At that moment, Asuka came back into the room bearing an embarrassed expression. That didn't stop Sanjyou. "Turns out Dragon Man over here has his MAN PARTS ON HIS _FEET_!"

"What?" Ranru said.

"Really?" Ryouga asked.

Asuka was extremely uncomfortable. "I . . . I didn't think it could work any other way! Isn't it the same with you guys?"

"Not exactly, Asuka." Ranru said gently.

"OF COURSE NOT!" Sanjyou yelled.

"Well, then how does it work with another-earth people?" Asuka asked. Ryouga went over to him and whispered some stuff in his ear. Asuka's eyes got really wide.

"Oh," he said. "That explains a lot."

"That's it! I'm leaving!" Sanjyou shouted. He went upstairs to his room.

Asuka looked at the ground. "I don't think I can fit in here now," he said softly. He got his shoes and left the base.

"Asuka! Wait!" Ranru called. She went after him, leaving Ryouga alone in the base. As she went out the door, Ryunosuke returned.

"I'm home," he said. He watched Ranru as she left. "Did I miss something?"

"Oh, yeah," Ryouga said. "It turns out all Dragon People, including Asuka, copulate with their feet."

"Oh," Ryunosuke said. "Well, that ruins my Christmas present for him."

"What was it?"

"A vibrating foot massager."


	5. Chapter 5

Ranru ran as fast as she could, trying to catch Asuka.

"Asuka! Wait up!" She shouted after him. She eventually caught up to him in the park. He was leaning up against one of the trees that overlooked a man made pond looking totally depressed.

"Asuka?" Ranru said cautiously once she had caught her breath. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know, Ranru-san." Asuka said, looking away. "All this time I just thought this earth was full of a bunch of loose, extraverted, nudist hippies. Now I find out that to everyone here, having smooth, rounded-off ankles is totally normal and I'm the only weird one. I've been running around the past few days unknowing, and because of that have been exposed, groped, humiliated, infected, and after that big deal Sanjyou made back there, I'm sure to be shunned too! I have completely embarrassed myself and now everyone must think I'm either crazy of a freak." Asuka let out a heavy sigh. "I just really miss Mahoro, now more than ever."

Ranru put a hand on his shoulder. "Asuka, it will be okay. I don't think you're a freak. I'm kinda glad that it was something like this and not what I thought . . ."

He turned to her, confused. "What did you think?"

"I thought you didn't want to hang out with me anymore because you thought I was hitting on you or something. Especially because of the way you kept saying that you were 'A married man'"

"Well," Asuka admitted, "I kind of did. But I don't think that anymore! Really!"

She smiled. "I'm glad, Asuka. And I'm also glad that you're a Dragon Man, and for you, all that stuff is normal. I just wish I had known sooner. Then I never would have brought you to that masseur." Ranru paused for a moment, then shuddered. "And I never would have offered to rub your feet either! That must have been really awkward for you. I am _so_ sorry."

"You shouldn't be. There's not way you could have known." He looked at the ground. "But I still probably shouldn't go back to the Restaurant. You heard what Sanjyou said." Asuka heaved a deep sigh, burdened by his lingering embarrassment. But Ranru wasn't about to let him stay depressed all day.

"You know what you need Asuka?" she asked.

"No, what?"

"Well," she said, "Whenever I'm depressed, I just go to the movies and see a really gushy romance movie with lots of crying. I go in, enjoy the movie, have a good cry, and then I feel much better."

"Do you really think that will work?" Asuka asked, sounding a bit hopeful.

"Absolutely! Lets go right now!" Ranru grabbed him by the arm and started running toward the movie theater.

So Ranru bought them both tickets to see Super Gooey Mushy Crying Love Fest The Movie. Ranru was really enjoying the movie. About halfway through she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and just as they were about to spill over, she heard the sound of sobbing and sniffling. She turned to look at Asuka and he was already bawling his eyes out. Her heart warmed at the sight.

_Mission accomplished, _Ranru thought.


End file.
